National ISP Technical Support
How it works.
"We don't care -- We don't have to. We're the phone company" - SNL sketch

So, you're using MSN, AOL, Earthlink, or calling your favorite tech support hotline. Ever get the feeling they just want you to shut up? That’s because they do. Read on for a look on how telephone hotlines are handled.

After a few months of working for a company that contracted to provide technical support for MSN, I had learned a lot about how these companies operate. The same ideals apply to any large-scale outsourced tech-support operation, whether it be an ISP, a computer manufacturer, or software. It's just another reason to stay with locally-owned companies that have their own tech support. They're generally better paid (marginally), and will know much more about the product than a national counterpart.

1. Don't get angry at the tech, Asking for a supervisor is a waste of time.
   First off, they don't want to talk to you anyway. If you start yelling at them, they're going to be less likely to help you. Supervisors either play dumb, or are. They're not going to solve your problem any quicker than the tech you currently have. In fact, they will be slower, because a ranting customer is not taken seriously. Remember that everyone you talk to is also a person who hates their job, just like you. Don't ask for someone who "knows computers." everyone is equally ill prepared to handle your call.
2. If it sounds like they want you to hang up; They do.
   If you think the contractors are paid by how many problems they solve, you think wrong. They're paid by call volume. How do you increase call volume? Limit the amount of time the tech can speak with you, and have you call them back. Luckily, these go hand-in-hand! For level 1, call time was limited to 9 minutes. Go over 9 minutes, and the supervisor is telling you to get off the phone. The more time you spend, the more insistent they are. But the tech is not allowed to hang up, unless the customer is verbally abusive. Hit 20 minutes at level 1, and you should be escalated to level 2. This pisses everyone off, but gets you to someone marginally smarter. Use it to your advantage. Don't ask for level 2 or level 3, you won't get it.
3. We don't have problems, we have maintenance.
   The contractor is paid mainly on call volume, but there are metrics that they have to meet as well. The contractor also has to meet service level and customer satisfaction requirements. "Customer Satisfaction" is a bit of a misnomer. It is determined by some Quality Assurance guy, paid by the contractor. Since he is on the take, it doesn't mean much. Service level, however, was based on the percentage of calls on hold less than 30 seconds. We had to maintain a minimum of 80% of calls answered within service level. If this was not being met, management got pissed, and callers may be told that there is "unscheduled maintenance" and try later. This got them to hang up faster so the tech could feed someone else the same line. If you get this, it means something tanked, and they're not admitting it. Don't bother to ask what, the tech doesn't know. Give up. You're not going to get much help tonight.

   
   blowing service level - from www.slakis.com

4. Do not expect the tech to have any idea of what they're talking about.
   One caller once complained to me that the last tech "probably didn't even have a college education." DUH. Opening salary is $9/ hour. Don't expect much, considering the person you're speaking with can hardly make ends meet. The only requirement is that you're able to breathe. Some English is good. Techs on duty know only what's on the script in front of them. That's not to say they're all not-too-bright, but management kills the smart ones with the next point:
5. Yes, they read from a script.
   And until you get to a level 3 tech, that's all you get, the script. Even if you've restarted a dozen times already, they'll ask. It's all about "Quality of Service." The goal is to provide every caller with the same experience. Sounds great on paper, but it means that even if the tech knows what the problem is, and could walk you through it in 5 minutes, if it's not in the script, he cannot help you. I got yelled at for asking people if there was anything else I could do for them. It wasn't in the script.
6. Use those ticket numbers... Maybe.
   If your problem isn't solved, the tech may give you a ticket number to call back with. But don't expect to give the tech to know everything about your problem just by giving them the ticket number. First, the system is crap. On more than one occasion, the ticketing system would crash, and we couldn't pull up numbers. Second, a good tech will never trust another's notes. That's because most techs are morons and either don't fill in enough information to make it useful, or may not have walked you through the procedure correctly. Either way, expect to have to start from square one. Unless you're at level 3, don't expect to talk to the same person twice.
7. Never, EVER get DSL from a national ISP. Get it locally.
   MSN offers high-speed access in some areas through agreements with local phone carriers. NEVER purchase this! Here's why: When you purchase DSL through a national ISP, it looks like this:
   1. You order DSL from the ISP using the web site. If you call, the operator uses the web site for you.
   2. The ISP contacts QWest to set up a connection to your local phone company.
   3. Once this is done, QWest contacts your local phone company to set up your line.
   4. When the local phone company sets up the line, they tell the ISP it's ready.
   5. The ISP then ships a DSL modem to you.
   6. The modem arrives in the mail, and you connect it to the phone line.
   7. The modem must then contact the ISP to register itself and give you access to the Internet.
   Compare this to the same service as provided by your local phone company alone:
   1. You order DSL from the phone company.
   2. The phone company sets up your line.
   3. The phone company sends you the modem.
   4. The modem arrives in the mail, and you connect it to the phone line.
   There are a whole lot fewer places for things to go wrong. And when they go wrong with the national ISP, expect it to take 1-2 months to resolve. And don't expect a phone call telling you that your service is delayed. Of course, you can expect to see a bill for those months.

Finally, asking for a tech's name may not really help you. At any one minute there is at least 6,000 people in 10 different call centers all answering the same 1-800 number for MSN technical support. Writing a letter saying that "Bob" was rude won't mean a thing. Get the ticket number. An ID for the tech should be attached to the ticket number. Also, ask where in the world the tech is located. You may get some interesting answers.